These past few days have been really… well. I’m saddened and heartened all at the same time. People always like to think that living in England means all your problems go away. But whenever the dark side of humanity rears up, it’s never nice.
In other news though, I’ve really gotten this whole “getting clear” thing CLEAR. And so, a list:
1. I dislike wholly automatic point and shoot cameras. Someone please remind me of that next time I want to buy one. Even if they are only a pound. Maybe especially if they are only a pound. (Broken autofocus FAIL.)
1a. I am not sure on my stance on Polaroids. I took one to junior prom. And that was the last time I used one.
2. Fully manual cameras, on the other hand, are fun. (Finally tested out ye olde Montiflex.) Needs more testing. Also? Manual focus issues are not totally dizzy related. This worked fine, dizziness wise. Most of the shots are totally out of focus. So.
3. I would rather spend an hour browsing an antique market than a posh store. (This discovery after a Saturday doing just that.)
4. I feel a pull toward jeans, cowboy boots, cozy cardigans and ditsy print shirts this autumn.
5. Losing weight is not something I’ve talked about beyond explaining my issues with it. But one of the mixed results is the wardrobe issue. I am having to get rid of things I really used to love because they don’t fit (see cloak). And that’s a good thing because while I still love them, they aren’t *me*. The downside: things I really do love are going the same way (see blue skirt above). I seem to be left with the crappy basics that still fit and none of the fun stuff.
6. Shrinking out of knitwear. GRUMP.
7. I HATE clothes shopping.
8. I hate stuff. I am so bad at accumulating stuff. I don’t even know how I get more of it but I always seem to.
9. I have three huge problems at the moment that I need to tackle:
a) money. (The Subject That Must Not Be Named, I know. We can rename it “stuff accumulation issues” instead, yes?)
b) food. (How to redefine food’s position as reward/emotional soother/happy maker.)
c) creativity. (Just. Frigging. Do. It. Already.)
10. Being realistic about who I am and what I want to do/be is vital. For me, it even involves what I want to knit. That’s the level of self-knowledge I’m after.
11. I found this while clearing out a stack of old stories. It’s from a year I did NaNoWriMo and the story was, well crap. And descending into Angst with a capital A. But the point of Nano is just to keep writing. And one of the tools to help you do that is when you get stuck, insert the phrase “and then suddenly they were attacked by ninjas!” The idea being you just wrote ANYTHING to keep the words coming and getting back on track. One night I did just that:
“And then suddenly they were attacked by ninjas! Only these were special rainbow ninjas and they were dressed in all the colors of the rainbow and it so confused everyone to see rainbow colored ninjas that they just stood there while the ninjas did ninja-y things. They stood there amazed and astounded by the rainbow ninja feats of ninja prowess. One of them even balanced one (1) muse high on something funny and one (1) inner critic who had been gagged and tied on his shoulders while riding a unicycle. This did not help the muse however because she thought that they all had tentacles. Then the ninjas put the muse in the chill out room where scenes from Alice in Wonderland (original Disney version) were playing and they locked the inner critic back in its cellar. Then they sat down with the characters and had rainbow tea with rainbow tea biscuits and said things like ‘Wow, the Dow is Down today” and “Did you know that the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plains?” And the main characters, happy to find some rainbow ninjas in the midst of their trip to angstville laughed. And there was much hilarity.”
Well, it made me laugh anyway.
How are you getting clear? What do you need to do, however small or large? If you are totally clear, please share how you managed it.