Oof. Well, that was a longer break than I was planning. Alas for me though, the autumn slump has turned into the autumn fibro flare. Since fibro almost always takes a backseat to the Sjogren’s, it’s not until I’m knee deep in a flare that I remember how awful fibro can be. Feeling a bit better today. Which is good. Send spoons.
So it’s autumn. My favorite season. And it’s October, my favorite month. It’s time when it goes cold, goose feather duvets are in use, knitwear is needed and Pumpkin Spice Lattes are consumed. We finally got them in the UK this year. Yay! I had one and it made me sick. Boo. Anyway. So in the middle of all this autumny goodness, some film pictures of spring because that’s how behind I am on the blogging front. Yay me. Not.
What I am trying to keep on top of blogging wise though is this process of destuffing/renewing that’s been going on. J’s reading the same book on simplicity that kicked my butt into gear and his has been kicked as well. Suddenly we’re living in a house where things are put away and filed and everything has its place. It’s so NICE. But beyond the external stuff, there’s all the internal stuff. And that’s what I’m going to talk about today.
I’ve been reading The Fire Starter Sessions by Danielle LaPorte and let me tell you, it does what it says. I’m completely alight with thoughts about my life. There are questions in that book that I didn’t even know you could ask, much less answer. In a very small part of my brain, I can see that this miserable summer has served some purpose. I’m still really peeved it all happened and OMG I want off crutches (finally out of the boot though!) but maybe if I hadn’t spent 4 months sitting there having to look at the mess and THINK about things as opposed to knit and/or fill my brain with all the internet noise I never would have seen the problems. Wood for the trees and all that.
So. Things I really, really miss and need to have a way bigger place in my life from here on out:
Writing. I’m beginning to really believe I can do it. So the inability to do so has been frustrating. There are reasons for this, of course. All good, all valid and all in need of fixing. New laptop because this one is dying, just now able to put my foot to the ground without it swelling up like a balloon, typing/neck issues, spending too much time trying to get everything else done online because this thing is slow as molasses in January (see: new laptop).
Photography. I miss it! I miss my camera, I miss seeing the world as a photographer. I do not miss 365s (too much mediocre product and not enough meaning for my liking). I don’t miss having to constantly take pictures, that pressure of “I’m going somewhere cool. I am a photographer. Therefore I have to spend all my time trying to get awesome shots and not actually paying attention to the somewhere cool I am currently at.” It’s annoying. I’d love to do actual proper photography like for a JOB. But that will all have to wait until I can walk again, among other things.
Things I really, really miss but need to be revamped/fixed before they’re part of my life again:
Knitting. I am SO TIRED of knitting random stuff that I won’t wear. I’m tired of knitting with yarn I don’t like. I’m especially tired of having to rehome all this damn knitwear/yarn all the damn time. (Right now, there’s this shawl, this cardigan and this yarn that need a new home. Note to self: avoid all red yarn in future. So. Frustrating.) I’m also really tired of knitting constantly. Once in awhile on a really great project is fine. Everyday just to keep busy? Nuh uh. This also fits in with what I was saying last post about having a capsule wardrobe extending to knitwear. If I don’t need it or love it, it does not get knit. THE END.
Making jewelry. I have a love-hate relationship with this. Friends seem to really like what I make. They say they get compliments or wear it all the time. Yet whenever I try and turn that into a shop format, either on Etsy or Big Cartel or just on the blog, it all just sits there. And then I wind up giving it all away just to get it out of the house. I know that there’s a market for it. I just don’t know if I enjoy it enough to try to find it. I’ve been toying with an idea of making up 10 necklaces at a time, putting them all up for sale for £10 each (CRAZY cheap considering the materials) and trying to fund a new laptop. Or maybe I should just sell off all the components and have done with it. It hurts to do even when my neck isn’t being stupid. So. I dunno.
Blogging. I dislike the way I blog. I want to be open and genuine and really *there* like some of my favorite bloggers. But it seems like my reality isn’t what I want to blog about. So. Change blogging format to reflect what I am willing to blog about and/or change my reality. Simple, no? Thinking seriously of moving to Squarespace, I’m tired of the back end work involved in keeping a self-hosted WP blog. I just wanna blog, not worry about formatting. (For instance, I know the nifty little next/previous page plugin looks like ass on phones. And I have no way of fixing it.) Simplicity should extend to blogging. The more stress-free I can make it, the better.
Reading the blogs of others. I do miss this. A lot. But I need to draw a very clear line between the blogs I read that let me keep up with friends or learn something new or be inspired and the ones that I feel obligated to read, make me feel like crap about myself/my life or overwhelm me. The kind of vestibular system problem I have means that my brain compensates for the broken inner ears by taking info from my muscles and eyes. Visual overstimulation can literally make me dizzy. This is a good thing to remember when it comes to blogging. And Pinterest.
Reading. I make no excuses for the 269 books, short stories and novellas I have read so far this year. Reading has kept me sane these past few months when sitting with my foot up was all I could do. But being a little more discriminating will save both time and money. I love reading though and want to keep that up. I’m sure when I can go back to my normal level of functioning I’ll read less. So this will probably resolve itself.
Ravelry. Awesome site. Never going to leave it ever. But forums I never read, groups I never take part in, trying to keep up with friends page…yeah. Needs fixing.
Things I don’t miss or are such a nuisance that I need to stop them even if I do miss them:
Flickr. Again with keeping up with friends = good. The sheer amount of visual information needs to be toned down though. I keep following photographers whose blogs I follow. Where they post the same photos. And then I’m usually following their Instagram as well. Where they post the same photos on both Flickr AND their blogs. This will take time.
Email. UGH. Need to unsub from everything ever, stop getting notifications from everything ever and realize that 99% of the people I talk to will be on Twitter anyway.
Pinterest. I love it. But it’s definitely a nuisance. It’s also a terrible source of grabby-hand-itis. I always have to remind myself I don’t NEED whatever shiny thing has caught my eye. Excellent recipe resource though.
Facebook. I never check it. I hate it with a passion. I am having attachment issues with some of the people it’s enabled me to find again though. Kind of like a security blanket or childhood teddy bear, I don’t NEED it but I still kinda want it. Maybe not checking it is the way to deal with.
Goodreads. I am addicted to my recommendations page. Seriously.
Evernote. Really thought this would be useful. So far, not at all. Ditto Teux Deux. I’m finding that Remember The Milk is getting everything I need down and more importantly, DONE.
(Can you believe that one is film?!)
Things that need out asap:
Doubt. The idea that I’m not good enough to do *insert thing here*. Guilt. Fear. Worrying about whether or not my experience is valid (it is). Hiding light under a bushel. Being politely interested when I want to jump up and down (metaphorically speaking) and screaming with joy. Grabby-hand-itis and it’s cousin “ooooh shiny!” About 100 other things I’m still figuring out.
Things that are exempt because I love them too much: Twitter (I’m @phoeagain). Instagram (I’m photographoe).
So! If you’re out there and wanna join the conversation, please do! Any handy writing, online destuffing, inspiring blog or book recs welcome.
All photos taken May 2006, 2012 on Canon EOS-3 with Lucky Super 200 film.