Who remembers when that was the name of my blog? Was that on WordPress? Or lj?
The weekly market at Winchester. The fruit vendors are the kind that yell out the deals. Really loudly. These were taken in mid April and the sight of all this bright fruit on a cloudy day was irresistible.
I love this little place. It’s in a basement under another shop so the stairs go down below street level and there are all these lovely flowers out to tempt you down. These were actually taken through the passenger seat window as we waited in traffic to get to the library.
But yes, reality. Not good. I typed this up a few days ago as a draft:
Is it just me or are a lot of people having one of those months were you feel like reevaluating everything?
I am seriously rethinking everything. And I wish I could explain why this time it’s just as serious as last time. Or the time before. I feel like I’m constantly rethinking things.
I am thinking about blogging. Why do I do it? Will I stop? I know why I read blogs. Sometimes it’s just to fill up the time. Sometimes (mostly, I’m pretty ruthless when it comes to blogs I read) it’s because I feel better after reading a certain blog. Does my blog make people happy? Is that the point?
I’m thinking about my health. I am always thinking about my health. I’m recovering from general anesthetic a lot slower than I did five years ago. It seems weird to me that I didn’t realize that sooner. I’m 5 years older. 5 years sicker. You would think I’d be 5 years wiser. Hindsight, eh?
I’m thinking about distractions. J’s computer is totally borked (fried motherboard) and we’re waiting for a replacement. But that means no dvds (we don’t have a tv). I never realized how hard it is to keep my mood up without the silly things I like to watch that distract me.
I’m thinking about the past. I have let go of a sizeable chunk of negative (and positive) things from my past. The few things that I can’t let go of sit there and I don’t really know what to do about that.
Recovery is slow. So slow. I am having a lot of post anesthesia side effects that I’ve never had before. I’m losing stability when it comes to my normal health stuff so it’s just one thing on top of another on top of another. I’m bored talking about or thinking about my health. But right now, what else is there?
So yes, I’ll look at the pretty pictures so I don’t have to think about real life anymore. I just wish I felt better. NOW. Patience is not one of my virtues.
Ugh.
